Indecision

Dr. Suess once said "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple,".

I find myself in that position right now. I feel like a character in a Clash song .."should I stay or should I go now?". I love the summer nights exactly where I am, but I'm in this odd position where I don't feel particularly welcome anywhere I am. Tons of book and song quotes come to mind, but that's just not cutting it at the moment.

Things hold me here; things I need to get done, things necessary to put my house in order. Why am I not jumping on the opportunity to go where I always want to be? Perhaps because of the implications of WHY I have this opportunity to spend an indefinite period of time home in New England. And my so called support network is really here right now. I can toss a hundred obstacles in the way of being decisive but the fact remains that I am playing Beat the Clock and there are no winners in this round.

I feel like I'm having this strange identity crisis and somewhere a part of me got lost. Connections I thought were strong feel tenuous and help keeps erratically arriving from the most unexpected sources. So I feel sort of disconnected and there is an elephant in the room that I cannot keep from view indefinitely.

I'll step up and do what I feel I have to do. I am just extremely apprehensive about the emotional blackmail that will be coming my way shortly, and I offer up a short musing, an empowerment that will allow me to survive this situation relatively unscathed.